For the love of the faux phallus.

BUYER BEWARE: Let's get this bad guy out of the way first. It's a toxic chemical plasticizer that is used as a cheap way to make rubber dildos flexible and brightly colored...and it can really ef you up! It's so bad, Congress banned several phthalates in 2009, mostly from babies toys. Alas, the adult toy industry is not currently regulated. Here's why it's such a villain to avoid: it can cause instant allergic reactions or chemical burns; screw with your reproductive system; mess with your hormone and thyroid signaling; and increase the chance of some cancers, just for starters! Not only that, but these dildos will start to molecularly break down quickly, sometimes within a few months. And when that happens, some allergic reactions or chemical burns could really rear their ugly head. These can range anywhere from feeling like a mild hot sauce to "my vagina's on fire!" (an actual quote). Dildos with phthalates will also have a pungent smell of rubber. To avoid these dildos, look for "Phthalate free" on the packaging. If you're not sure a product includes phthalates, ask the salesperson or don't buy it and research it later to make certain – but if it's inexpensive and wreaks of a rubber smell, it would be wiser to keep on looking.

This is the most popular inexpensive rubber dildo category. Colorful opaque and clear "jelly" dildos are visually eye-catching, but not made to last. They are chock-full of phthalates and very porous – not so much to the naked eye, but microscopically. Porous is not a good thing, because it means bacteria will easily be absorbed by the rubber and nearly impossible to get completely clean. So don't be surprised if the occasional yeast infection pops up...NOT fun. Again, don't expect these to last but a few months before you notice changes in there physical make-up. Their surfaces will usually begin to feel more tacky than usual, slough off in little rubber rolls or get smeary like adhesive from a peeled label. This is also a good time to mention that these should NOT be stored with any other dildos. These cheaper rubber dildos will start to "melt" each other, deform against other objects and even melt onto certain clothing materials – very difficult to wash out – not to mention the rubber odor is compounded when more dildos of this grade are stored together, sometimes to the extent of making your eyes water. Any lube will do ya with these jiggly jellies.

Right there displayed with jellies, you'll find latex dildos. Not usually as colorful as jellies and a tad more firm, they have very similar tactile properties as well as price. Where most dildos are synthetic, latex is a natural plant-based rubber and contains a protein that may cause allergic reactions. The rest of the technical info and care for jelly dildos apply to latex as well. Some people who buy latex dildos go the condom route to avoid the latex allergen, but that leads one to ponder: there are so many good alternatives to latex these days, so why mess with the tediousness and costs of condoms when you can go "bareback" with another kind of dildo that may initially cost a tad more, but less in the long run? If that makes sense for you, "Latex free" is a label to watch for. Never use oil-based lubes with latex as molecular breakdown happens rather quickly (latex condoms have been known to tear as quickly as 60 seconds), otherwise, any other lube will do ya.

PVC stands for polyvinylchloride. This is another very popular kind of less expensive to mid-priced porous rubber dildo that will also contain some level of phthalates. The mid-priced versions will be better quality – as in less reacting and threatening, depending on the individual – and should last longer. The rubber smell may be less noticeable with these dildos as well, but they will eventually smell stronger as the rubber begins to break down and still should NOT be stored with other dildos for the same reasons mentioned for the jellies. So, buyer be aware. Also watch for "PVC free" along with "Phthalate free" on packaging if you still wish to avoid these dildos. Any lube will do ya with these faux fellas.

You wouldn't think so judging from its smooth and durable surface, but this is also a porous soft plastic-like dildo made mainly from vinyl acetate in combination with ethylene – the same material used with many household electrical appliance wire casings. It is extremely durable being fingernail tear resistant and water resistant. It cleans easily with soap and water, although an antibacterial toy cleaner is always recommended. Smell from vinyl dildos is usually minimal, but occasionally some have been known to contain phthalates, so check with the manufacturer to be certain if you're concerned and it's not clearly marked on the package. Vinyl is not as favored as soft silicon, but it's very durable and can last just as long with proper care. Water-based as well as silicone lubes will safely slick these guys right up.

A non-porous rubber dildo material that is hypoallergenic and will usually tout its superior "Phthalate and PVC free" content on the packaging. For this reason, silicone is usually a mid to higher price range dildo material and is very nice with a closer to life-like feel and texturing. Most of these dildos will claim lifetime longevity, but there are a couple things to be aware of with these guys: one is the fact that not all "silicone" dildos are true silicone, but made from a combination of elastomer and thermoplastic rubber (TPR or TPE), which is still better than most but somewhat porous, so shop cautiously; the other is that you cannot use silicone-based lubes with these dildos as the silicone in the lube will immediately start to break down the silicone of the dildo – something you may notice as early as the first use. Water-based lubes are the way to go or a very high-quality "hybrid" lube that is mainly water-based. For the sake of these considerations, you should also store them alone to achieve their longest pleasuring life.

Currently THE BEST non-porous rubber dildos on the market. Expect to pay a premium for these "platinum-cured" silicone satisfiers. This means the finished material meets medical grade standards for temperature, purity and high-tear resistance; they really will last a lifetime with proper care (justifying their price); will not react or break down; can be used with any lube; can be stored together; and can even be heated in the microwave for more life-like temperatures! The similarity to the feel of real flesh and coloring that can be achieved with these dildos is also amazing, especially when the combination of different densities are used to simulate inner core erection stiffness with outer flesh softness. Yipikiyay!

These dildos are completely non-porous and usually made with hard ABS plastic. This material covers a wide range of price points where the main differences come down to finish quality or build performance in the case of vibrators. You can't really go wrong with hard plastic dildos, just don't expect a very soft touch or flexibility. However, there's usually a good variety of shapes to choose from. Any lube will do ya with these plastic protuberances.

These dildos are just non-porous hard plastic (usually ABS) with a polyurethane (PU) coating to give it a velvety-soft feel. They tend to cost a bit more than regular plastic dildos since most of these are vibrators with more "luxurious" qualities and creative anatomical designs. The one minor negative to expect is that the coating will eventually start to wear off from use or scratching, usually from the cleaning process. Any lube will do ya with these exotic plastic entertainers.

Another hard variation of dildo luv, these are usually made with borosilicate for increased durability if dropped. It doesn't mean they won't break at all, just much harder to do so. They're nice and hefty in feel and are usually made into creative shapes to compliment the anatomy with interesting bumps, knobs, twists and twirly flourishes and coloring. They are also body safe and clean easily. You can boil them in water or run them in a dishwasher for best sterilization. Glass makes for some beautiful dildos, but again, expect zero flexibility. What's worth noting about hard dildos such as glass is that the diameter or girth of a certain measurement is exactly that and no less. That may seem obvious, but this is what we mean by that statement: when advancing in size to a rubber dildo that is 2 inches thick and it feels tight, a glass dildo that is the same 2 inches in thickness will feel tighter. This is because rubber dildos, no matter how firm, will have a bit of shaping flex when stretching the anus to the dildo's peak breach, where the glass dildo of the same size will have no forgiving flex at all. This is neither good or bad, just a sensation to expect, especially if you're training with both materials. Another plus is that glass dildos are great for temperature play, just use common sense and be cautious of extreme temps either way, which can also damage the glass. TIP: A good RULE OF HAND to go by when experimenting with temperature play– if you can hold it comfortably in your hand, your parts can take it...even if you can't. Glass dildos are best stored in a soft cloth pouch or even a good sock. Some brands include the storage pouch. Any lube will do ya with these willy wands of wonderment.

There's just something attractively medieval about a metal phallus or anal plug. Much of the same for glass dildos goes for metal with the exception that metal dildos and plugs will conduct temperatures much more rapidly, so always use caution with temperature play, keeping the RULE OF HAND in mind. And NEVER attempt to warm them in a microwave! Stainless steel and aluminum are the favored and most common metals in this category for their medical and anti-rust characteristics, but chrome plated steel is also popular due to its cheaper price. Any lube will do ya with these metallic marauders.

One might think this is a porous dildo except that modern day woodies are usually coated and sealed in body safe urethane. This is a necessity as natural wood is not conducive to smooth insertions at all. Even the smoothest uncoated finish could be highly frictional since wood has a quick absorption rate. Not only that, natural wood could harbor endless amounts of unhealthy bacteria, whereas properly coated woodies are easy to clean and keep clean. They are compatible with any lube and store nicely in cloth pouches. The real advantages to these somewhat rare dildos are their lightness and unique variations of beautiful woods and phallic shapes.